Thursday, August 12, 2010


I've seen the light! I don't know what I was thinking! I've let God's light into my heart!!

I've been reading some posts by some very dedicated Christians, and their arguments have really hit home. Of COURSE marriage should be between a man and a woman, otherwise how will our nation continue to produce children? And, following along this brilliant vein of logic, we really should revoke the marriage rights of infertile couples or couples who would (GASP) actually CHOOSE not to pump out babies! How dare they, wanting to prove and solidify a commitment to each other without the intent of filling their house with the sound of pitter-pattering little Christian soldiers? I mean, everyone knows infertile women are basically worthless. Let's revoke their citizenship, while we're at it!

Another absolutely breathtaking piece of wisdom I SOMEHOW missed: changing the definition of an institution that has remained the same for thousands of years?? I SHUDDER TO THINK. Marriage has been defined as a union between a man and a woman for CENTURIES, HOW could we think of overturning such a sacred precept?! EVERYONE knows that the way things have always been is ALWAYS the best way, right? Duh! Change is dangerous, silly, detrimental! On that note, let's revoke women's right to vote, own people who are a different color than us, and why the hell not, shove some Jews back into the ghettos they belong in! TRADITION!

I don't know how I've been missing this all along, I feel so ashamed of myself. If men are allowed to marry other men, then maybe pedophiles will be able to marry children!! GASP. How could I be so stupid, of COURSE a grown, consenting adult marrying another grown, consenting adult is EXACTLY the same as an underage child, unable to give legal consent, being forcibly married to a mentally unstable adult! LOGIC.

I've seen the light! The man in the sky hath waved his magical Jesus wand and changed my life! All of my future decisions will be based upon a compilation of racist, sexist, violent, and often severely contradictory texts, also known as the bible.

God, I am so fucking brilliant, I amaze myself. See y'all at church!

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